To Gaze Upon One's True Face -[Closed]-[Rrah]-

[Amur]

Baldur paced the interior of his home in the village restlessly, his mind pulling him in several hundred different directions all at once. He had finished reading through the history book that Okena had managed to acquire for him, and very much true to her word it was unlike any of this land's history books he had managed to get his hands on so far. The amount of thought she had put into that gift had steadily become more, and more apparent to Baldur as he had progressed through the content recorded within the book. It was an effort that he was no doubt appreciative for, perhaps more so than he had first realised, however, the exact reasons for the gift still gnawed away at him. Even during his younger, more flirtatious days Baldur had never once seriously considered that his banter would have lead anywhere, and not once was it ever taken seriously. But now, to suddenly have a female acquire deeper feelings for him, it was a situation that Baldur was sure that, no matter what point in his life it had happened at, he wouldn't know how to handle.

The history book had now been placed on his shelf with the rest of his books, more specifically on the same shelf as the other books that he had held in high regard. One of the first things he had done since returning to the village was to visit Nemesis Morona and discreetly ask them if they had witnessed him doing anything out of the ordinary. At first, they had looked confused by his request but they had ultimately answered, and outlined everything that he had done that had been uncharacteristic of him when he had brought Okena to meet with them. That in itself had set his own mind in another slew of directions which had only succeeded in adding to his current, internal conflict.

Perhaps there had been a measure of attraction there for Baldur that he just hadn't noticed, he had already admitted to himself that Okena was the closest thing to "his" species that he was likely to find here, but was that really all it took? The majority of his ancestors had found physical attraction to people that couldn't even be considered in the same spectrum of species, most notably, his father, whom had mated with a human. Thinking back on that had only caused further confliction in his mind. How was he supposed to deal with a situation like this? None of his current thoughts were making even the remotest bit of sense to him.

It was amazing just how easily even a level-headed person like Baldur could lose their mind if presented with the right kind of situation.

His thoughts rapidly shifted focus, from the subject of how he should be handling the matter-at-hand to Okena. He couldn't deny that he liked Okena, perhaps even as a friend now, more than just a student and a fellow Nirvanian. And he couldn't deny that he did enjoy spending time with her, but to the point of developing feelings for her? The thought hadn't even briefly crossed his mind, nor had he even considered that Okena might begin viewing him differently. He stopped in his pacing, trying to move his mind in a single direction, he liked Okena as a friend, and he didn't want to lose that friendship if something should turn her feelings for him into something negative. He stopped in his pacing, she had said it was okay if her feelings for him went unrequited. But, that was just one issue that would undoubtedly cause her feelings towards him to become sour the longer it persisted for. He already knew that emotions were unpredictable, and fickle things.

He remained stood still for a long while, an idea had presented itself to him and had immediately incited a rare feeling of anxiety within Baldur. But, the longer he spent pouring over what else he could do, his idea seemed to be the only thing that could cause any notable progress. Drawing in a deep breath Baldur closed his eyes gently, she had feelings for him, so she at least deserved to know more about him if only to allow her to make some kind of informed decision. Opening his eyes, Baldur turned and headed in the direction of his bedroom, grabbing a large travel-pack, he neatly folded the blanket from his bed and stored it in the bag, it was far from even half-full, but that was the point. Slinging the bag over his back, Baldur picked up Findinokhind from its stand and walked out of his home at a brisk pace.

He didn't like the idea, but as far as he was now concerned, it was something that needed to be done. Okena at least deserved to know what she had come to have feelings for.

---

Baldur strolled as casually through the streets of Teirm as casually as was possible right now, he had purchased vast quantities of dried meat on route here, and had, had them individually wrapped. He had already visited the dead-drop nearby and had altered it slightly and stored a copy of the key to the property he owned here for Okena to find when he called her here. Of course, he had purchased the property here several years ago by now, and had intended to use it as a home-away-from-home, so it was not at all suited for what he was about to do. Not that such a thing mattered to Baldur, at this point he was far too anxious about his decision to care.

The property he had purchased was in an area of the city where the wealth of the residents was a fair bit more obvious. The houses were already fairly large, and spacious -though still not big enough for what he was about to do- and a fair bit better constructed. He had gone through quite some pains in order to procure the building for himself, but in the end he had managed it. It gave him a place to store objects of study, and had also been fairly easy to add additional measure of both mundane, and magical security to, as well.

He had wanted to conduct this away from the village for one simple reason, that despite its expansion and growth it was still small enough for large numbers of people to notice things. And since Baldur was already uncomfortable enough showing just one person what he truly looked like he felt that it would be better to show Okena his "true" appearance in a city where people were far too concerned about their own business to notice people not leaving a house for several days. To Baldur, it made enough sense to stick with.

He entered his house with little concern and promptly closed, and locked the door behind him. Heading straight up the set of stairs, Baldur entered the largest room in the house, set the large bag that he had been carrying around with him down, and then began to move things in order to make his task easier. Once he dropped his camouflage, he would be too big to fit through any of the doors in this house, so he had to make sure that he had everything he would need before he did that. He took all of the cushions, and other various soft things that he could find, and then set them in one corner of the room in order to create a makeshift chair that would allow him to sit in some form of comfort. He moved several small tables from one of the other rooms into his selected room and set them across the wall on the opposite side of the room to the corner he had just finished augmenting, and then spent several minutes unwrapping, and setting the meat that he had brought with him on the top of these tables.

He then moved a small set of drawers into the room and set them in the corner directly opposite the corner now containing his makeshift chair. From there, Baldur carefully set Findinokhind's stand on its top, and then carefully placed the sword on its stand. After making sure that the window of the room was completely covered, Baldur began carefully removing, and folding his clothes and placing them in the draws of the side that Findinokhind was now set on top of, setting his boots down by the side of the draws once everything else was safely stored within them. Shivering slightly as he used magic to illuminate the room, Baldur then took the blanket out of the bag, and carefully set the bag by his boots, and the blanket by his makeshift chair.

Now came the particularly unpleasant part of his plan. Drawing in a deep breath, Baldur slowly released his hold over the human-looking camouflage. The effect was immediate and he doubled over in pain as bones began breaking audibly and his muscle mass began to swell to its usual size, the hair that came with this form painfully withdrew into his skull. He could feel his internal organs shifting to their usual places, as well the other organs that humans did not possess also moving to their usual spots. Baldur growled to himself as the transformation continued, time seeming to crawl by as his form began to revert to its more natural, fully functional form.

---

Baldur remained in the position that his shift had forced him into -that being a rather ungraceful, almost foetal position on his hands-and-knees- breathing heavily. Without his human-looking camouflage active, he was now revealed as the abomination he truly was, standing a 12 foot in height, with a wide, and heavy build his form could only loosely be described as "humanoid" at best. His skin was now completely hairless, and had a smooth, yet almost leathery feel to it that betrayed just how thick his skin really was. And on top of that it had lost all trace of any colouration that could be considered human, and now had a greyish colour to it with a very noticeable dark blue tint to it. At a glance, it was obvious that the muscle mass that he possessed was a natural trait for his body, and not something that Baldur had actively worked for. So while it was certainly impressive by any standards, it was largely undefined and there was still some puppy-fat on his form. Growling gently to himself as the final remnants of the pain faded, Baldur slowly got to his feet and had to spend several long moments readjusting himself to his much larger, much heavier form.

While his feet, and his legs retained the rough resemblance to those of a human his toenails were gone completely, half of the length of each of his toes were now composed of ebony claws, while his legs were somewhat shorter than the proportion of his body would suggest that they should have been, causing his hands -while his arms, which were similarly somewhat longer than the proportion of his body would suggest that they should have been- to hang at roughly the same level as his knees did. Baldur already knew the purpose for that, and had known how to shift between moving as a bipedal creature and a quadruped for the majority of his life now. Either way, despite his much larger frame, his muscle mass ensured that he was able to move at a speed that many other creatures were not capable of.

He slowly began stretching himself off, loosening his cramped muscles as best as he could, moving one of his three-fingered hands -not including his thumb, his fingernails were likewise, gone completely, and had been replaced with similar ebony claws, though, these claws were much shorter in length than the ones on his feet- up to the opposite shoulder in order to give it a quick massage as he rolled that shoulder, allowing him to feel the much rougher, and bumpier skin that, that region of his body had. From the top of his head, down his neck, across his shoulders, and down the majority of his back, Baldur's hairless skin took on a much rougher texture, almost sharing the consistency of rock where some of the rough-textured, and bumpy skin -particularly on the back of his neck, shoulders and back- was located. While the rest of his body retained a vaguely humanoid appearance, however, his head was where the biggest changes had taken place. The top of his head was almost level with his shoulders, with his back and neck arching into a soft curve to accommodate this, causing his chest to be lower down than most other humanoid creatures.

His head was much wider, and flatter than many other humanoid creatures as well, giving him an almost reptilian appearance with the way his body blended all of these elements together. His eyes still faced forwards directly, and in this form they had no whites, his pupils had also returned to their more natural state and were little more than black slits offering the only difference in colour in his eyes. He opened and closed his much wider mouth several times in order to further loosen the cramps that the change had now left him with -his mouth now stretches back further than his eyes, making his mouth overall much larger- lowering his hands, Baldur spent another long moment simply loosening himself up.

The skin of his jaw, and chin-line shared the much rougher consistency with the skin on his shoulders, however the only protrusions were several small, bone spikes on the end of his chin.

In one last effort to fully loosen himself up, Baldur took in a deep breath and then inflated his vocal sac. His lips pulling back into a snarl, revealing his fangs. As the pain hit him. However, it was fast to fade, allowing Baldur to deflate, and then re-inflate his vocal sac several times, just to fully get the full range of bodily functions back under his control.

With a small growl of approval to himself, Baldur moved forward with fluidity almost unexpected from his form and began voraciously devouring the meat that he had set on the tables earlier. Not only was this "form shifting" painful, it left him ravenous afterwards. And despite the large quantity of meat that he had brought with him, it didn't take Baldur long to consume the whole lot of it. And despite the speed with which that had happened, it was all Baldur had needed to sate his hunter. After another several moments spent simply stretching himself , Baldur reached out to the dead-drop with his mind, and activated it as he walked toward the blanket and picked it up. Wrapping it carefully around his waist, Baldur took efforts to make sure that it would be secured to his form and wouldn't fall. Once he was satisfied, he simply remained standing, too anxious to sit down. Was this a bad idea?

Once Okena found, and picked up the copy of the key that he had left for her the spell he had put on the key would inevitable lead her in the direction of this house, after that it would just be a matter of her finding him. And then he would get his answer... whether his true form would warp her perception of him, or serve to show the depth of whatever affection she had for him remained to be seen.

[Mali]

Okena hadn’t known when she would feel the pull of the dead drop. She had waited as patiently as she could for it to pull her in whatever direction Baldur wanted her to travel in. She didn’t expect that they would meet up in Melian again since that was a spot that seemed special to her. She didn’t think that he would choose such a place to let her down.

That is, assuming that he would reject her feelings. She didn’t hold high hopes that he would accept her feelings for him. She knew that he was a half breed, as was she, but that wasn’t the only reason that she liked Baldur. He was intelligent and funny. Sure, she had rarely ever seen him smile, but she had heard him laugh a few times. It made her feel special when she could make him laugh. He made her feel important when they were together. Even though he was quiet and reserved, always thinking before he spoke, she liked that he was a caring and calm person. There was more that she liked about him, but her mind kept returning to the half breed portion of her argument.

If Baldur were to look for another half breed to mate with, the chances of finding one were slim. Part of the reason she didn’t have high hopes for him accepting her feelings was because that seemed to be the only thing she had going for her with him. It would definitely be something that Baldur would consider when making a decision.

It was little over a month after their last meeting that Okena felt the recognisable pull. Eager and scared of what he would think, she set off in the unknown direction. She was a little surprised to find that she was outside Teirm. Why would he bring her somewhere like this?

Upon finding a key in the dead drop, Okena could magically picture where it went. Why would he direct her to a house? Surely he hadn’t come to a fast decision and planned to mate with her already. Shaking her head quickly, she knew that Baldur wasn’t the type to do such a thing. He knew that she had feelings for him and if he were to accept her feelings, he would probably want to take it slowly. He would never rush into things like that with hasty opinions lingering in his mind.

Okena slowly made her way through the city, getting strange looks as she started to approach the richer part of town. She looked like a ragamuffin compared to the people in the area. She wasn’t dressed any differently than she usually was, but she wasn’t dressed anywhere close to being fancy.

Slipping the key into the door, she unlocked it and popped her head inside.

“Baldur?” she called out loudly. Not hearing anything back, she let herself inside and decided to lock the door behind her. He had locked it for a reason. He could have easily just told her where the house was and left the door unlocked, but since he hadn’t, there had to be a reason.

The house was lavishly decorated and it was nothing like his house at Morona’s village. This house was much smaller. She had to wonder why that was. She knew that this was an usual size for a house in Alagaesia, but it was vastly different than Baldur’s other house. Baldur’s other house had at least twelve foot tall ceilings. There had to be a reason for that as well.

Slowly, she climbed the stairs, searching every room that she came upon, trying to find him. Maybe he wasn’t home right now and that was why he had left the key for her. However, she came upon a closed door and had to assume that Baldur was behind it. She could sense some form behind the door but it was different than Baldur’s regular form.

Opening the door, Okena slipped inside, her back facing Baldur at first while she closed the door quietly. Maybe he was asleep and that’s why he didn’t answer her.

“Baldur... Hi...” She turned and froze for a moment. There was a large beast in the room. She had never seen something like this in her entire life. It was tall, with grey-blue skin. It was massive with large muscles that were bigger than her head. And it was staring right at her. Backing up into the door, her breath catching in her throat, Okena stared with wide eyes at the creature in the room. Was this why the door had been locked and the door she’d just closed, had been the only indication as to where Baldur could be?

“Baldur?” Okena took a tentative step forward, still staring at the creature with wide eyes. Is this what he meant by being an abomination? Moving closer toward the grey-blue person, she kept her hands to herself, making sure to keep some distance between them. She didn’t know what to say really. If this really was Baldur, then what did that mean? What was the more human looking form? She didn’t have a form like this. She may be a half breed, but she never had two forms.

Looking down to the floor for a moment, confused, Okena tried to think of what she wanted to ask him. “I may be a half breed, but I don’t look different than I do right now. I’m... very confused Baldur. What are, I mean, what is this?” her voice trembled as she spoke, worried that she may be talking to some strange beast and not Baldur at all. She was close enough now that she could reach out and touch him if she so desired.

[Amur]

He heard Okena call out his name as she entered the house, and at that moment he felt a knot tighten in his stomach. Not out of a particular fear of being rejected, no, that was an insecurity that he had learned how to cope with whilst growing up. His fear here lied in being seen for what he truly was, he didn't like showing anyone what he really looked like for fear that they would come to loathe him based on that fact alone. And for a moment time seemed to pass at something of a crawl, even as the door opened.

Her reaction to his appearance was something that he had expected, however, he didn't allow himself to show any kind of reaction to her reaction. No, he had expected her to react this way, it was one part of the reason he was showing her what he really looked like. If she knew everything about him, then she would be able to make an informed decision about her feelings for him. He didn't want to be the reason someone's life became ruined simply because they settled on feelings of affection for an abomination based on a lack of choice.

"... Okena."
He stated, his usual voice intact despite the drastic change in his appearance. It didn't matter what "form" Baldur was in, his voice would always be the same. Aside from the colour of his eyes, that was the only likeness the reality of his form shared with its more human looking counterpart. However, as she took a step forwards, he took a step backwards. He was still uncomfortable showing anyone what he really looked like, and even more so owing to the fact that the only form of clothing he was wearing in this form was the blanket that was wrapped around his waist. Nevertheless, he listened to what Okena had to say, asking him what "this" was.

"This, Okena... is what I really look like. A result of countless generations of interspecies breeding, I wasn't exaggerating when I told you that I was an abomination. The more human appearance you see me in is an evolved form of natural camouflage."
He explained flatly, taking a moment to organise his thoughts.

"No, you wouldn't be like me. You're only the first generation of cross-species children, you have fewer bloodlines forming you."
He concluded. Of course, that much made sense. She would be less malformed than he was because she would only have the blood of perhaps several generations of people, most of which likely kept most of their mating to their species. It only made sense for Okena to appear more human. He sighed, dropping the explanations for the time being, his original purpose for this was not to explain to Okena how his body worked.

"This... is my answer, Okena. I think it's only right that you learn more about me before you let your feelings for me get the better of you. This, Okena is what you've come to have feelings for. I felt that it was only fair for you to at least make an informed decision."
He stated, or at least tried to state. Right now his discomfort at this situation was as obvious to him as the change in his appearance was to Okena. He disliked it, and he hated the feeling of vulnerability that this current situation was forcing him to feel.

[Mali]

Looking down to the floor, Okena jumped when she heard Baldur address her. She hadn’t expected his voice to be the exact same when he looked as he did now. She could now confirm that this was Baldur she was talking to and not some foreign beast that had wandered into Baldur’s house. But still, his voice was exactly the same. Okena looked up at him with a curious gaze. What else about him was still the same? Or was everything else about this new ‘form’ different?

She couldn’t help but notice that the closer she got to him, the more he tried to move back away from her. Smiling internally, she wondered if this were like a game. How close could she get to him before he ran out of room to move away from her? But she shook that thought away. Now wasn’t the time to be considering Baldur’s feelings in this situation to be a game. Surely there was a reason why he moved away and it had something to do with his feelings right now. It was rude of her to try to make a game out of his self-consciousness.

Nodding her head, she understood now. This was because of all the different interbreeding that had occurred in his family’s past. She had to wonder how many species had to come together to be able to form a camouflage reflex like Baldur had. She thought it might be kind of cool to have one. That meant that she would have two forms. What was it about this form that Baldur didn’t like? She had to admit that upon first glance, he had scared her, but there was nothing else wrong with this form. In fact, it would be a great tool to teach with. In this form, he was more durable, maybe not as agile, but taking a hit while teaching wouldn’t hurt him—or so she assumed.

Thinking for a moment, she wondered what was so wrong about this true form of his. Obviously, he felt embarrassed by it, the way that he called himself an abomination and such forth. It was plainly obvious that he disliked having this side of himself. Looking him up and down, she took in everything about how he looked and made a decision. This form embarrassed Baldur and that’s why she would never make him take it again. She wouldn’t mind if he did for whatever purpose, she rather liked the grey-blue colour of his skin. The colour was really growing on her. But if he hated this form so much, then she would never force him to take it again.

Walking forward, she made sure to close the distance between them. Reaching out, she placed her hand against his arm. With her height compared to his, she was closer to his hand and knuckles than his upper arm. Rubbing her hand over the skin gently, she gasped, finding it was coarse like leather. She hadn’t expected that.

With a gentle smile, she looked up to Baldur before moving in closer to him, placing both hands on his stomach—since she couldn’t reach his chest.

“You’re so big...” She smiled kindly, resisting the urge to giggle. She didn’t want to embarrass him further. It was just something she hadn’t expected.

“Baldur, I... what I want to say is, I don’t care what form you’re in,” she looked down at her hands as they ran her hands up and down slightly. “You’re still you, no matter what form you’re in. If you dislike this form, then you never have to take it again, but to me, it doesn’t matter which form I see you in.” and she beamed widely up to him. She knew that Baldur wasn’t a highly sentimental person, so she didn’t expect anything sweet or remarkable from him in return. Most likely, he would state his shock and ‘try to reason’ with her about her choice. But that didn’t matter. She loved her emotionally awkward... what was he?

“So, what do you call this form? Does your interspecies breeding have a name? And no, I would never call you an abomination,” this time she giggled. Biting her lip, she wondered how warm he was. Right now, she got the feeling that he was like a leather teddy bear. Moving in closer, she pressed her body against his, her head resting against his stomach as she closed her eyes.

“I love you Baldur. And I love the colour of your skin—she giggled again— you wouldn’t mind if I got paint in this colour, would you? I hope not, because it’s a beautiful shade Baldur.” she stopped speaking and hugged him for a moment longer before she realised that he might feel even more awkward now.

Pulling back and away from his body, she smiled to him. “Sorry if I hugged you too long,” she liked hugging him though.

[Amur]

As Okena closed the distance between herself and him, and placed her hand on his, Baldur couldn't help but wince at the contact. Not only had this been the first time that he had ever shown another person what he really looked like, but this was also the first time he had ever allowed anyone to touch him in a manner so close to reassurance. Nevertheless, the feeling of her soft skin against his much thicker, and much tougher skin simply made his sense of discomfort increase, yet he kept himself still. He had shown her this in order to allow her to build an informed opinion of him, he valued her friendship, and he didn't want her to ruin her life by letting her chase after someone that she would have been able to do better than.

He looked down at her as she smiled up at him, and then moving slightly Okena placed both of her hands on Baldur's stomach. Again, the odd sensation made Baldur wince slightly. However, the very unexpected, more gentle touch that was seemed to be more intended for exploratory purposes made him freeze for a long moment. However, that only lasted as long as it took for Okena to make her next comment. He tilted his head to the side slightly, of all the opening comments that she could have made, the size of this form was the first thing that she chose to comment on? He couldn't place it, what was it about him that she liked so much?

Despite his consistent confusion, however, Okena kept talking. Telling him that she didn't care what form he was in, and followed that up by... running her hands a short way up his stomach and then back down again? The sensation caused Baldur to tremble ever so slightly, it was just such an odd feeling that he had no other idea how to react to it. And still she continued speaking, telling him that if he disliked this form then he would never have to take it again, and that to her; whatever form he was in was of no importance .

"It's... not 'dislike', it's more than what I think of my body. I accept, and even embrace what I am Okena."
He stated simply, his confusion simply growing as Okena smiled warmly up at him. Now he was no longer convinced that Okena's feelings for him were just a phase. No, there was something in the way that she looked up at him. It was then that she asked if his species had a name, that was a simple question to answer.

"The latest blood added to that of my family was human. So I would simply be called a 'half-breed'. Despite the fact that whatever species my furthest ascendant was, was lost with his first child."
He explained calmly, choosing to ignore her comment on how she would never call him an abomination. Since he was unable to make sense of what ignoring what he truly was would end up accomplishing, as he had already told her, he didn't see being called an abomination as an insult it was simply a statement of fact.

Whatever line-of-thought Baldur was about to reach, however, was abruptly cut-off as Okena pressed herself against him, spreading both of her arms across his waist -since he was far too big to allow her to embrace him properly now- and rested her head against his stomach. The gesture made Baldur freeze for several moments as he tried to decide how to react to it. His decision, however, was never made, as Okena began speaking again. Her words now confirming to him beyond any reasonable doubt that her feelings for him were much more than a phase, they were genuine. She told him how she loved him, and how she loved the colour of his skin. And almost immediately Baldur realised that he was at a loss for words. In fact, at her flattery he felt the sensitive skin around his throat steadily grow warmer. Even as she moved herself away from him, Baldur remained silent for several long moments.

"Wh-what is it that makes me so special to you?"

[Mali]

Okena was a little confused then. If he didn’t dislike this form, then why didn’t he show it to other people? “Then, does this form embarrass you? If you don’t dislike it, then you should show it. You scared me at first, but that was just shock, now I’m getting used to this form.” She wondered if there were anything else about this form that she had yet to learn. So far, his voice was exactly the same, but what was that bulging thing in his neck that inflated every time he seemed to breathe in and out? There was so much about this form that she wanted to know. Of course, Okena wanted to know everything about Baldur.

Nodding her head as he called himself a ‘half-breed’, she thought carefully. Since the latest gene pool in his genetics was human, he would be called a half-breed, so that meant that she was a half-breed as well. She knew that her father had bird’s feet and that she was part bird, but she had never had a name for what she was. This caused her to smile up to him again. She was learning so much from him.

When she was starting to move out of the hug, she noticed that the thing in his neck had changed colour slightly. The colour of the inflating appendage was almost a slight purple but it was fading already. Wait, blue and purple, when you add red to blue, you get purple. She wanted to gasp when she realised that when she had hugged him, he had blushed faintly. She could have verbally ‘awe’d but refrained from doing so. Okena didn’t want to make things even more awkward for him.

His next question caught her off guard. Did he want her to tell him exactly why she loved him? Okena knew that he wasn’t phishing for compliments, but maybe he was genuinely confused by her feelings. It was obvious that he had no idea how they had started and come to such strength, but could he really be that oblivious that he didn’t know how great a guy he was?

“Well, you’re special. You were nice to me, not that I’ve never met nice people before. You helped me without asking questions and taught me about my true heritage and culture. I don’t know exactly when my feelings changed, but they did. You’re amazing Baldur and I noticed those features of you that are amazing and I guess I fell in love,” she was rambling before realising that she hadn’t really answered his question in full yet.

“But if you want to know what it is I like about you, I don’t mind telling. You’re nice and helpful even though you come across as a calm and calculative person sometimes. You’re sweet and kind, even though you only show it to a select few. And I’m glad that I was one of those few. But you’re smart and wise as well. You’ve taught me so much that I don’t think my gift could ever compare to what you’ve given me. You’re emotionally awkward at times, especially when I say something awkward and I like that about you. I know by your compliment that there’s a lot more to you than what I’ve been able to see, and I want to learn everything I can about you. My feelings aren’t just curious ones though. I feel compelled that you’re an amazing person and I feel that I would be lucky to have you in my life as more than just a friend.” There, she’d explained herself. It was much more longwinded than she had expected, but she had done it. Maybe she should continue to explain herself. But she would wait to see what he said about this before continuing.

[Amur]

His reasons for keeping what he really looked like to himself weren't as simple as dislike, or embarrassment. No, he was proud to what he was. Where the problem lie was keeping everyone else amicable. While he didn't much care what people thought of him, it was more the thought that whenever they did shoot him disgusted looks, pay him the most derogatory insults that they could muster, and the threats of death for nothing more than his species they were not only throwing such unwarranted harshness at him. But also at his mother, and his father. And that was a thought that Baldur couldn't bear, despite their shortcomings his parents were great people, and he still loved them deeply. And it was for that reason alone that Baldur kept his true face to himself, his parents, and his ancestors didn't deserve the ridicule... and not only that, his biggest fear was that Ace would reject him if he knew what he really looked like.

Nevertheless, he kept the exact reason to himself, simply shaking his head lightly at her question. In his mind the reason for keeping himself hidden as he did was just as big a secret as this form was. Instead, he simply relied on an age old tactic of deflecting the question with the simplest response he knew.

"It's not something I could explain to someone unlike myself, Okena. We may, in a technical sense be of the same species, but we are not alike any further than that."
He stated simply, it may not have been the most tactful way of getting his point across, but at this point Okena knew what he was like, especially in situations like this. Nevertheless, he fell silent after giving her his answer and allowed her to answer his question. At first she simply began rambling at him, however, after a moment she began to answer his question in great detail. And while he understood what she was saying, he simply couldn't understand the reasoning. Had his tutelage to her really meant that much? Did she really think that everything he had taught her was so priceless? He acknowledged that emotions were complicated things, yet this just seemed like something far beyond complication, and was likely something that he would never understand. He had simply been acting as he knew that any other Nirvanian would upon discovering her heritage, did she even realise that? However, he kept that question to himself. He highly doubted that there would be any way to get an answer.

"Very thorough. But I still can't understand the reasoning, you could very well pass for a human, Okena. I know that you can find something closer to home than I, Okena. You could find someone more suited to you, someone better able to understand and accept your emotions. And, when the time comes, someone more easily compatible with your body, for the human façade you see me walking around in most often, Okena. Is largely for the purpose of appearance only."
He left his explanation at that, as the direction he was explaining in was obvious enough at this point. However, that did not mean that he was done speaking. No, this was as much for her sake as it was for the sake of his own comfort. He didn't simply want her to settle for him when she could so easily find someone closer to her own form.

"You say you want to know everything about me, Okena? And I have begun. I'm not going to let you potentially throw away others that would be better suited for you simply because you settled for me. I value your friendship, and I don't want it ruined if you haven't properly considered everything ahead of you."
He stated. He didn't want her poisoning herself with feelings that may never be reciprocated, so for the time being the best that Baldur could do was tell Okena outright why he was doing this.

[Mali]

As he shook his head, she wondered what she was doing wrong. Had she assumed incorrectly about whether he was embarrassed by this form? She believed that may be the case here. It was easy enough to see that Baldur had a lot of pride when it came to certain things. But what continued to confuse Okena was that, if he were prideful of this form, why he wouldn’t show other people it. She knew that, similar to her hydromancy, she was proud of it and enjoyed showing it off when she could. So wouldn’t Baldur be the same? Or was there something deeper to this than she was able to understand.

When he answered her question verbally, she felt a bit shot down by his response. That wasn’t very tactful of him. He could have at least said it with a nice tone or something. But that wasn’t the way Baldur was, he would never sugar coat something just to refrain from hurting one’s feelings. He was blunt and didn’t beat around the bush. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t understand,” it wasn’t that she was trying to play any angle here. She was genuinely sorry that she wouldn’t understand. “If it helps, my father had bird’s feet. He had to hide his legs with long pants, so I can kind of understand why you would hide this,” she knew that her father hid his legs not out of shame, but out of fear. He was afraid of what people would say about him as they were already strange in this new world.

What he said next made her angry. Did he really just say that she should find someone who could better accept her emotions? Was he trying to be hurtful and mean? Jutting her lower lip out slightly, she shook her head. She shouldn’t get angry since it wouldn’t help the situation. Besides, Baldur wasn’t trying to be cruel, he was just awkward with words.

As he continued, she could only shake her head. She would have to address what he first said in response to her explanation, but she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Firstly, I could pass as a human, but that doesn’t make me one Baldur. I’ll always be a half-breed. And it’s not like I can pass on my hydromancy with a human. I like you for who you are. I’m sorry you’re not able to ‘accept’ these feelings, but I can’t just change them. The heart is fickle and it chose you,” she looked down before crossing her arms over her chest. Now she felt small and insignificant in the room. And it wasn’t just because Baldur towered over her.

“And what’s this nonsense about others that are better suited for me? Don’t I get to decide who is better suited for me? What’s so wrong about choosing you? I know you may not be confident in such matters Baldur, but you have to accept that you’re an amazingly decent person and anyone would be lucky to have you as more than just a friend would. And let me ask you this, if you’re not best suited for me, who are you best suited for? I’m the same species as you. Does this imply that you’d impose yourself on a human instead? And if you were to do so, what makes them acceptable and not me?” She hadn’t realised how emotional she’d gotten until she started to cry as she finished speaking. Why was it so hard for him to accept that someone would have feelings for him?

“I mean, I’m willing to learn everything about you Baldur. I don’t care what you look like because you’re still you on the inside. So what’s so wrong if I choose someone who isn’t well suited for my body? Your father chose a human, and you claim I’m practically like a human. So why couldn’t you choose me?” she wiped at her eyes, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket. She had gotten one in anticipation for his answer.

[Amur]

Okena's emotional outburst to his response had both been unexpected and unintentional. Had he not made it clear enough that he didn't want her to potential ruin her life simply by settling for him? Had he not made it clear that he valued her friendship too much to let her do that to herself? He mentally cursed himself, clearly he had allowed his words to be far too ambiguous, otherwise she wouldn't be crying right now. Nevertheless, he remained calm. Narrowing his eyes slightly, Baldur shifted himself backwards slightly, dropping himself into the half-crouched-half-sat down kind of position he had used to maintain eye-contact with his mentors before he had grown into his camouflage reflex. Of course, he wasn't quite at eye-level with her, but it was much more comfortable than constantly having to look down the way he had been.

"You mistake what I tell you, Okena. I am simply trying to understand why you would select an abomination like me when there are others out there that are so much better for you."
This time he said it softly, since clearly stating what he wanted to say as fact was having opposite the desired effect on Okena.

"My father forced my mother into a relationship that she had no desire to be a part of by means of a mating agreement. And because of that I have maintained an oath of celibacy, I spent time destroying my own interest in members of the opposite sex from any given species. I have refused to allow myself to do what my father did and force someone to become my mate, I will not ruin the life of anyone by making them become the property of an abomination."
He continued. Working his way slowly towards his point. He just couldn't understand any of this, he couldn't understand why she felt the way she did about him. Even after seeing him for what he truly was, she had remarked that it was him that she was attracted to, and that it was him that she had feelings for. But it still didn't make any sense to him.

"So, when I say I don't understand, I mean that I don't understand what I did wrong. I don't understand why you would want an abomination like me, I don't understand why you would opt to ruin your life that way. For no matter the words you use, and no matter how long you choose to ignore it, I am an abomination, Okena."
He concluded. He couldn't understand what he had done to make Okena feel this way about him, he couldn't understand why she would even want to acknowledge such feelings, and he couldn't understand why she felt that Baldur was the one she wanted. Only so much could be explained away as emotion, and right now he just couldn't find an explanation for any of this.

"I... just don't understand, Okena. I truly don't see why you are so adamant that I am right for you when we are so very different. I don't see why you think that it's a good thing to have these feelings for, and be physically attracted to a creature like me."
He finally stated, somewhat awkwardly. He just couldn't make sense of any of this, how could Okena think that this was simpler than it was?

[Mali]

She couldn’t help the tears that continued to fall down her cheeks. Even though he addressed her with a softer tone, it didn’t make any difference. The way it was going, she would never convince him of her feelings. And if he couldn’t understand them, then she should just give up. In her mind, it worked one of two ways. It was either he understood her feelings and accepted them, or he wasn’t able to understand them and rejected her feelings. He couldn’t have a neutral side to choose in this situation.

As he finished speaking, she had so much to answer to and she knew that this would be difficult to say. Starting to sob quietly, her breath catching in hiccups in her throat, she looked at Baldur, who was closer to her eye level now, and closed her eyes shut tight. “You’re breaking my heart Baldur,” she paused, sniffling and sucking back snot that was accumulating in her nose from all the crying.

“Who says that just because you could have feelings for someone, that you would be forcing someone into a relationship, Baldur... I’m a willing person, wanting to be with you, there is no force here. I don’t get why you can’t understand that.” she started. It was true, she could understand why he would take an oath of celibacy, but since she was a willing person, seeking a deeper relationship with him of her own free will, where was the problem?

“And you didn’t do anything wrong Baldur. It’s not your fault after all. If anyone’s to blame it’s me, since I let myself fall for you. And fine, you’re an abomination. But by definition that makes me one too. You may disagree because there isn’t more breeding in my ancestry, but I am. So why can’t we be abominations together?” she wiped at her eyes again.

“And, finally, I’m so adamant because I love you and I can’t change that. I don’t care that we’re different Baldur, I still love you. And it pains me to think that you could never understand how I feel. But there’s one choice you’ve gotta make here Baldur. Do you accept my feelings, or will you reject them? Because I don’t know if we could still be friends if you rejected them. This isn’t me trying to bribe you to accept my feelings. No, it would just... hurt, to be around you since I would be trying to get over you. Does that make sense?” tears fell from her eyes and she stared down at the floor, wringing her handkerchief in her hands. This was it. No matter what he said, he would have to make some form of decision. She just hoped that should he accept her feelings, that he understand that didn’t mean they were in a relationship now because of it. It just meant that he understood she had feelings for him, and would respect those feelings. Whether he decided to have a relationship with her afterwards was a different story all together.

[Amur]

And still his explanations, and attempts to make Okena see reason weren't having the desired effect, this had to be the first time in his life that he had no idea what to say, or what to do. Usually everything was easy, when he had to make the decision to appease his father or to save Ace, he had chosen his brother, when he had, had to make a decision on how best to escape from Warlord Kaathe, that had similarly been easy enough. Decisions like that had simply been a result to following the beliefs he had been raised with, and then making the most practical decisions he could make in order to stay alive -in that order- but here, clearly the most practical approach was not the correct one, and now he was rapidly running out of ideas.

Nevertheless, he allowed her to say what she had to say. He still couldn't understand how, or why this had happened, nor could he understand why she would want him, but he understood that these feelings of hers were genuine. He sighed gently to himself and leaned forward, resting himself on his knuckles as he did so, and then gently pressed his head against Okena's forehead using the spot between his eyes -which, while still placed at the front of his face were wider spaced than that of a human's- as a gesture of reassurance. He may not have understood the why, and the how. But he understood the depth of her affections for him, even if they made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe one day things would change and he would feel more comfortable with such knowledge, but for now the best thing he could do was understand that she had these feelings.

"Fine, fine. I'm not going to pretend that I understand the how, or the why. But the fact that you have these feelings for me, I understand at least that much."
He began slowly, simply holding the position he had taken only moments ago. Now in his mind this was the most difficult part, he quite simply did not reciprocate those kinds of feelings towards her, and that was something that she was going to have to understand. He wouldn't outright reject her feelings, he still found them quite flattering in an odd kind of way, but he understood that she had them. And while he didn't want to lose her friendship, she would at least need to know that he was not on the same wavelength as she was.

"But you need to understand, Okena. That I do not reciprocate those feelings, and I cannot make promises that I ever will. I say this not out of a desire to reject your feelings and hurt you, but to make sure that you understand that I do not feel the same way."
He concluded gently, in all truth he was still unsure how he should feel about all of this as it was not a situation he had ever encounter, or one that he had ever expected to encounter. But, saying as much might have given Okena hope that may have ended up unwarranted, it was best to keep such confusion to himself for the time being.

"It would be unfair of me to expect you hang onto vague answers and uncertain comments on how the future may change things."
He finished.

[Mali]

When Baldur moved and pressed his forehead against hers, she was shocked. Okena never had contact with Baldur. Sure, she initiated the hug moments earlier, but she had started it, not him. For him to initiate contact with her meant something. Wiping at her eyes, she did find this position to be reassuring. For whatever reason, being able to be close with him gave her hope. She knew that he would have to make a decision and she may not like it, but he would come to some conclusion. And when he did, she could continue her life, with or without him.

When he started to speak, her eyes lit up. He understood? He was accepting that she had feelings for him? And then the catch came and she felt like crying even harder now. She knew this wasn’t good. He would never reciprocate her feelings, would he? There was no point holding hope that he would, so it was time for her to give up. She hated giving up.

“I understand Baldur,” she started, finding that the words caught in her throat as if they were sticky candy. “I hope you also understand that I need some time alone. To get over you. You may never reciprocate my feelings, so you have to let me get over you. I’m sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other for a while.” she finished, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She was emotionally broken right now. But what should she have expected. People don’t just change.

“I think I should leave now. Don’t worry, I’ll lock the door on my way out. Goodbye Baldur, for now,” her voice sounded dejected. She didn’t care about anything right now. Consumed in her sorrow and heartache, she moved away from him, turning to face the door when she thought of something. Turning back around to Baldur, she planted the softest of kisses against his face before turning on her heel and running from the room. The door slammed behind her and she was gone.

[Amur]

Baldur slowly moved backwards as he watched Okena leave, and then fell onto the pile of assorted cushions and other soft things he had placed in the corner of this room before dropping his camouflage. Sitting in silence, Baldur worked through what had just happened and managed to conclude that he hadn't handled the situation very well despite the fact that he had been the one to create it. Perhaps that had been down to the large amount of uncertainty that he had left unaddressed when he had made his plan. He had no idea what he had expected Okena to do when she saw him, he had no idea how she would react to seeing what he really looked like, and he had no idea what he ultimately expected to come of this little plan of his. He drew in a shallow breath and once again felt that odd, almost characteristic warmth spread across the sensitive skin of his throat.

He hadn't handled the situation very well, he could admit that. And in some small way a part of him still found her feelings for him to be somewhat flattering, but in his mind's-eye it wasn't as simple as Okena had tried to make it sound. Baldur had spent years destroying his own interest in females, and yet there was one here seeking him. This whole experience was territory so utterly foreign to Baldur that he had, had little idea of how to handle it at all.

And yet, he had still gone ahead with what he now realised was an ill-fated plan.

He leaned backwards with a deep growl to himself, not entirely sure that his plan could have actually gone any worse. Perhaps having Okena run from him screaming would have been the better outcome at this point? He couldn't say for sure. Yet, he couldn't help but feel just a little bit gratified at the fact that she hadn't ended up running away. Though, he couldn't explain exactly why that was to himself.

-[Thread Concluded]-