A Gift [Amur] (Melian)

[Mali]

Okena had been studying hard for the past year. Her feelings for the man teaching her had only deepened and blossomed. Of course, her teacher appeared oblivious to her feelings. Or maybe he already knew about her feelings but didn’t want to openly acknowledge them. It was something that Baldur would likely do. He was the type of person to avoid certain situations if it put a strain on a good relationship. That could very well be the reason that her feelings were still unknown, but Okena hoped that wasn’t the case. She would feel bad if he knew but had ignored it all this time. Besides, she would rather tell him about her feelings herself, instead of having him ignore them.

The pair had just finished training for the day as Baldur started the fire with the wood Okena had gathered prior to their meeting. They always met in the same area, a little forest area close to the city of Melian. It was close to Morona’s camp and it was usually a quiet place for them to do things. No one seemed to pass through the area, at least, no one had whenever they had been there.

Looking up at the sky, Okena noted the setting sun and started to chew on her bottom lip. Looking over at Baldur as he cooked the meat, she was starting to worry. She had a gift for him, and she knew that he would really appreciate it. The only problem was that she didn’t know when to give it to him. Should she give it to him now? Before bed? In the morning? She had no idea what social etiquette was involved with giving a crush a gift. Then again, the etiquette was probably different since Baldur saw them as friends and Okena had deeper feelings for him.

Clearing her throat, Okena decided that it would be better to get it over and done with, since she was too impatient to wait until morning.

“Um, Baldur, I have something I want to give you.” she smiled nervously before reaching over for her bag and rummaging through it. She pulled out the thick tome book, looking down at it with a soft smile on her lips.

“I know that you already have quite a few books already, and I tried to find it in our language, but I hope that you will still accept it in Alagaesian instead.” pausing for a moment, she handed the book over to Baldur, letting him see it before she continued to speak. “It’s the complete history of Alagaesia. I know that you are interested in that sort of thing. I wanted to thank you for teaching me, and for being a good friend. You’ve taught me so much, and not just about combat, but about my homeland as well. I hope you like it,” She smiled wide again before gently biting down on her bottom lip. Why was she so anxious?

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[Amur]

The past year had been a year of rapid progress for everyone around Baldur. Not only had Morona managed to make some serious head-way with matters concerning the more political side of the village, but the village was also expanding, and growing in size. Ace had also been making rapid progress in every aspect of his studies as well, now. Whatever had happened to cause such a change, Baldur was determined not to look the proverbial gift-horse in the mouth. The fact that Ace had even started taking his studies seriously was something that Baldur personally likened to a small miracle. It had been for that reason alone that Baldur had not pushed Josk for answers concerning the events leading up to that outcome; since Baldur already had a very strong feeling that he wouldn't like what he heard, at all.

However, the person that had travelled the furthest over the past year was without a doubt Okena. She had taken to Baldur's lessons intently and was always showing signs of forward-movement, and as much as Baldur had come to like her, he couldn't help but feel that the amount of time that he had been spending with Okena was simply too great. It had taken him several long hours after first showing he around Morona's village to work out that Okena had been developing feelings for him that were greater than that of either of a Mentor, or as a friend. However, he had originally reasoned that they were little more than a phase and had opted to ignore them rather than address them outright.

And he could see how that, that had been a mistake. He had come to realise too late that her feelings for him, however they had managed to come into being had not just been a phase. He could tell in all the minor details that many would have usually missed, he could see it in the way she looked at him. Not only that, but it was practically written all over her face and in her body language. He still couldn't understand exactly how she had come to feel so strongly for him, and while he couldn't deny that he was most definitely fond of Okena, he doubted that he reciprocated the feelings for her that she had for him. Which would undoubtedly put a strain on the friendship they already had, now he was utterly clueless on how to broach the subject; especially not when it involved the subject of emotional attachment. Emotion and logic rarely went hand-in-hand, which made knowing how to broach the topic difficult for Baldur.

Perhaps part of the reason for her attraction to him was based on their species? The two of them were almost literally two beings of a species without a known name caused by interspecies breeding. There were some differences on that front, she was only the result of a single generations worth of such breeding, and as such she could still very well pass for a human. While Baldur was an abomination created by countless generations of interspecies breeding, Okena didn't even know what Baldur really looked like... He pushed the thought aside, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to take that step, not even Ace knew what Baldur really looked like.

Their lessons for the day had long since finished, and Baldur now sat nearby the campfire he had constructed earlier, slowly cooking the meat that he had brought with him. Of course, he was doing so solely for Okena's health. His body could process raw meat of any kind without issue, hers on the other hand was not capable of such a thing. He gave the meat a final check, confirming that it was cooked through he was about to hand it to Okena when she cleared her throat loudly. Looking up at her, Baldur cocked an eyebrow slightly.

He remained silent and allowed her to speak, he hadn't expected her to get him anything. Yet, here she was now, holding a book out to him. Baldur hid his shock, and his other feelings of confliction behind his usual impassive expression, to him, this was just another blindingly obvious example of her clear affection for him. But there was something else nagging at his thoughts, but right now he wasn't able to tell what that might be. Getting to his feet he walked calmly over to Okena, and wordlessly exchanged the skewered, cooked meat for the book that she held out for him. He spent several long moments in silence, flipping through several pages of book, taking note of the kind of detail this history book seemed to go into. It certainly was impressive, and clearly worth a fair bit if it was this in-depth. He closed the book gently and cast a sideways glance at Okena, there was no-way he could turn this kind of gift down. The side of him that liked to hoard knowledge simply wouldn't let him, while the side of him that was genuinely fond of Okena wouldn't let him spit all the effort she had clearly gone to in order to get this back in her face.

But, he knew that this gift had a deeper meaning behind it than Okena was telling him outright. He didn't want her to think that he was trying to encourage her feelings for him to further develop. He fell into thought for a short moment, he was somewhat aware of the situation growing precarious with each passing moment he spent in Okena's presence. But, he needed more time than he presently had to think on exactly how to broach the subject with Okena. In fact, it would likely be a task that took him most of the night, so it was a good thing he didn't plan to sleep tonight at all. Otherwise, he would have been in bad position.

"Well... thank you, Okena. I... appreciate the effort you've gone through for this."
He stated in his usual way. Trying to deflect any suspicions on just how uncomfortable a position he had found this to be. Why did emotional entanglement have to get so complicated? And why did it have to make otherwise simple relationships difficult? He just didn't understand people sometimes, how could Okena have possibly developed feelings for him when he had done nothing to warrant such a growth of affection?

Though, he had to admit. This was the kind of gift that meant a lot to him.

"This... should prove to be quite educational."

[Mali]

Okena hadn’t thought about how Baldur would feel in this moment. She knew that Baldur would be pleased with the gift and that he would appreciate it. But she hadn’t thought that the moment she gave him the book would feel so awkward. Even she felt awkward in this moment and she didn’t understand why. Maybe it was because she had feelings for him that had gone unspoken of for too long. Or maybe it was because she had never given anyone a gift before. Baldur was more than just a mentor and teacher to her. He was her first real friend, he had taught her about her homeland, he was teaching her how to survive better than her father had. She deeply valued his companionship and for some reason, those feelings had developed romantically. Either way, he had the book in his hands now.

Taking the meat from him, she looked down at it briefly before looking back up to Baldur. She needed to hear something from him, to confirm that she had made the right choice in which book to purchase. There were many different books available to her. Okena had gone to several different book stores until she was able to find the perfect book. The thing about the book was that it wasn’t a regular replica history book that could be acquired in any book store either. It was a special, one-of-a-kind book from the libraries of Ilirea. When the city was sacked and the riders were chased out, many of the rider’s possessions had been sacked as well. Some were sold, traded and stolen. She had no idea where or how the book had managed to get into her seller’s hands, but she knew that everything the riders knew, was in that book. Thus, making the book not only special, but expensive as well. However, she wouldn’t divulge any of that information to him. There was no reason to make things even more awkward.

Smiling wide, she knew that what he said wasn’t meant to encourage her feelings, but she couldn’t help but let her heart soar at his words. Why was it that no matter what he said, it made her feel happy inside?

“I should hope so. You won’t find another copy of that specific book anywhere.” I checked, she thought to herself. She didn’t want to play up the book too much or else Baldur would start to ask questions about the book’s original owners. And she had no knowledge of how her seller acquired the book, so she wouldn’t be able to answer him.

Now that she had her answer, Okena took a bite out of her meat and began chewing happily. She was glad that Baldur appreciated the gift. Even if he hadn’t acknowledged her feelings toward him yet, it was nice to know that he had accepted her gift in the first place. She had been a little worried that he wouldn’t have accepted it on the terms of her affections for him. However, the gift wasn’t because of her affections for him. It was to thank him for everything that he had done for her so far. Including being her first and only real friend. Sure, she had more friends now in Morona’s village, but she would have never met them if it wasn’t for Baldur. He had shown her so much.

Finishing her meat, she yawned, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Well, I’m off to bed, goodnight Baldur,” she nestled down against her bag and a log, as she normally did and began to drift off to sleep. She knew that Baldur didn’t sleep all that often and knew that he would most likely stay awake reading tonight.

[Amur]

Okena's statement on how he wouldn't find another copy of the book he now held confirmed to Baldur that he had been right in his educated guesses. She had gone through a considerable amount of trouble to procure this book for him, and not only that, it had been expensive as well. He looked over to Okena and gave her a small nod as she told him that she was going to sleep, and almost at once opened the book to the first page and began to read it properly. True to everything he had made an educated guess at, and everything that Okena had said the level of detail the book went into was incredibly impressive. However, he didn't allow himself to get too immersed in the book, he closed it gently and sat on a nearby tree stump, setting the book across his lap and resting his elbows on his knees, Baldur laced his fingers through each other and then leaned forward, deep in thought.

He could not deny that he appreciated the gift, and the clear amount of thought that Okena had put into acquiring it for him. He wouldn't ask questions, that much he had already resolved to himself. But, just how was he supposed to react to this? He was most definitely going to head back to the village and hide the book in his house, that much was certain. He didn't want anyone else knowing that he had it. But, right now, he was clueless about however he was supposed to react. He had already shown his gratitude for the gift, but was there more required than that? Was he supposed to acknowledge the clear effort and thought that she had put into getting him this book? Was he supposed to get her a gift in return? Or should he have simply taken her word as justification enough when she said that she was grateful for everything that he had done for her?

Briefly, his eyes drifted towards her prone, sleeping form and then back to the book set across his lap. Did she intend to keep trying to push the matter in this kind of way? What if, at some point he was forced to tell her that he wasn't interested, or to back off? He could still very much admit to himself that he was fond of her, but not to that kind of degree, was he?

---

Baldur sat staring absently at a tree in the distance, the sun was just beginning to rise and in the time that Baldur had been thinking of how to resolve this potential situation not a single answer had presented itself to him. In fact, he spent most of the night simply thinking around in circles and making no progress whatsoever. Whatever he was going to do to broach this subject, it clearly wasn't happening any time soon. He sighed heavily to himself, he hadn't moved from the tree stump that he had sat on all night, nor had he made any effort to alter the position in which he was sat. Why did matters concerning emotion have to be so complicated? This was a friendship that he valued, and no matter which direction it went in, either way it was going to end up ruined, wasn't it? Baldur didn't like the sound of that.

His eyes once again drifted to her sleeping form, and then to the tree she was lying nearby. And then he sat staring at that tree, deep in thought. Still unable to make much sense out of any of this, Baldur simply sat staring at his selected tree in silence.

[Mali]

Okena slept peacefully that night. There was no care in the world that could bring her down. She had given Baldur the gift she had tried so hard to acquire and he had seemed happy and pleased with it. Okena did wonder what he would do with the book though, maybe he would put it on his bookshelf with the others. That thought made her feel warm and tingly inside.

It wasn’t long after the sun had risen that Okena started to stir. Sitting up, she rubbed at her eyes with her hands while yawning. She had slept so peacefully, she couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten such a nice sleep. She had gotten a decent sleep the night she stayed at Baldur’s house in Morona’s village, but it wasn’t as deep nor peaceful a sleep as it had been tonight.

Okena looked around and found Baldur sitting in the same spot he’d been in when she had gone to sleep and sighed. Even though he didn’t need to sleep or eat, it still reassured her to see him do so. She started to smile to him, a kind and gentle gaze as she thought about him some more.

Okena didn’t realise that she had been staring just past Baldur until a few moments had passed. Shaking her head back and forth, she tried to clear her thoughts; it was then that she heard that he had finished saying something. She looked at him, tilting her head to the side when she realised that he had been staring at her the entire time.

“I’m sorry, did you need something?” She continued to smile to Baldur. Maybe he was hungry! She could definitely start to cook for him, he did it for her every time they met after all.

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[Amur]

The longer Baldur spent thinking over the situation, the fewer answers he was able to think-of as a solution presented themselves to him. Though, when he thought about it, Okena's affection towards him wasn't all that bad, in fact it was actually kind of flattering considering he hadn't given her any indication that he was similarly interested in her. It was just something of a shame that it had happened now, and not one-hundred-and-fifty or so years ago, had it happened earlier then Baldur may have very well wanted to do more with such affection. But as it stood now, however, his primary concern now was rejecting her without hurting her feelings, or somehow turning her against him. But as it stood, he had no idea how to accomplish such things, he already knew that emotions were fickle things, and oftentimes functioned without any rational thought or logic which made trying to think of a solution difficult, at best.

And then there was also the fact that he was still under an oath of celibacy, and while that was still down to a choice that he had not yet bothered to change, it wasn't going to be something that he simply ignored for the sake of potentially getting some cheap intimate contact with another. No, his mother had at least managed to give him that much decency for all the time she had, had to raise him as a young child, and a young man.

As he had tried to work his mind through the situation over the course of the night, more than once his thoughts had turned to how he would have reacted to such a realisation during his younger days. Undoubtedly, there would have been some flattering comments on his part, which would have been invariably followed by some flirting, but he had never once gone past that stage even when he had been interested in potentially allowing himself to sate his carnal desires. But, he didn't even want to attempt tackling the situation from that angle now, he hadn't talked to a single female that way since Ace had been born so he was out of practice at the whole thing now.

He sighed quietly to himself as he simply continued staring at the tree he had picked out quite some time ago.

"Ever the predicament."
He mumbled to himself, as if just to say it out loud in order to get it off of his chest. It was there that Okena spoke up, having not heard him properly, Baldur blinked slowly as his gazed moved from the tree to Okena without shifting his position. He had been too focused on his own thoughts to have even noticed Okena wake up, for a brief moment Baldur's thoughts whirled chaotically as he tried to assess the situation, however, with his thoughts currently settled on how he would have reacted to such a revelation over one-hundred years ago, Baldur's mouth opened, and he spoke without thinking, causing something unexpected to come out of his mouth.

"I was just thinking, that when the view before me is as awe inspiring as it currently is; just how difficult it is for one not to admire it."
At that it took Baldur several long moment to realise what he had just said, and when he did realise what he had said, Baldur had rapidly grabbed hold of the book that was set on his lap and got to his feet with an expression of shock colouring his usually calm features.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."
He stated... apparently, he wasn't as out of practice with the flattery as he had first thought himself to be. But, he couldn't help but silently berate himself for such a slip.

[Mali]

Okena didn’t know what Baldur had said. They had both been in deep thought and didn’t realise that the other had really said or done anything. She had to wonder why Baldur had been in such deep thought though. Maybe he was thinking about her feelings. She still didn’t know if he even knew that she had feelings for him. She wouldn’t want to think that she had been obvious with her feelings for the man, but hopefully he wasn’t completely obvious of how she felt.

When he spoke next, Okena couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment. There was a dubious look about her features before she smiled wide, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. She didn’t know what to say and her mouth hung open slightly after the compliment. Baldur had just given her a compliment and had called her an awe-inspiring sight. She couldn’t believe it. Did that mean that he knew about her feelings and returned them? She doubted that he would return her feelings. There had always been a doubt in her mind that he would ever return her feelings. But this comment only served to give her hope.

Okena watched as Baldur stood, his face changing colour and he apologized for what he’d said. Shaking her head, Okena tried to think quickly. She was still relishing the compliment he had given her. “No, it’s alright.” Okena looked down and away from Baldur. Knowing him the way that she did, she knew that he would be embarrassed now and she didn’t want him to think that she would stare at his moment of embarrassment.

“Baldur, I’m sure you already know that I have feelings for you, but I want you to know that,” she paused, not sure how to word herself. She didn’t want to tell him that it was all right for him to never like her back. She hoped that one day he might have feelings for her. But she was still doubtful that it would ever happen.

“That it’s alright if you don’t share those feelings. I hope that one day you might, but don’t worry if you don’t. I understand why. I’m much younger than you, I’m sure you would want someone much more dignified than me,” She wasn’t trying to say anything with the last comment. Baldur was a dignified person, he was practically royalty back in Empire Nirvana. He deserved someone much more dignified than her. But she wasn’t trying to play the victim here either. She hoped that her comment wouldn’t make him feel bad.

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[Amur]

And at that moment, everything seemed to be forced out into the open at once, yes, Baldur had known about Okena's feelings for him, and he had known ever since he had taken her to meet with Morona. However, he had, had no idea how to broach the subject matter at all. And now, thanks to just a single moment of nostalgia -or at least, in Baldur's mind it was- and one thoughtless comment he felt that the situation had just been made a great deal more awkward.

Nevertheless, he nodded as Okena spoke. Silently confirming the first thing that Okena had said, he still wasn't sure how it had happened. He hadn't given any indication to her that he was open to the idea of any kind of intimate relationship, nor had he actively encouraged her to become so emotionally attached to him. Sighing lightly to himself, Baldur looked up toward the sky for several long moments as Okena finished talking. He had no idea how to handle a situation like this, nor did he have any idea why she would want someone like him.

"Yes, I've known ever since your visit with Nemesis Morona. I was... just never sure how to broach the topic."
He stated flatly, and even now, that was still the case. There was even a small part of him that felt it only fair to give Okena every little detail about himself in order to allow her to make an informed decision. After all, the form that Baldur was currently walking around in was not a fully functional form, it was a camouflage reflex, and was largely for appearance only. But then, there was still that small part of himself that found the notion flattering, and another small part of himself that wanted to just tell Okena outright that he wasn't interested. But, for each small part of himself that wanted to do something, there was always another small part of himself that wanted the opposite. He had never felt so conflicted by such a simple idea before in all his life.

"Look... I."
He paused, the long awaited feeling of awkwardness finally hitting him. It wasn't the age difference that bothered him, and she s likely the closest thing to a member of his "own" species that he was likely to find here in this land. But, this was just too much for him. And for perhaps only the second time in his long life, Baldur truly had no idea what to say. Baldur had given so much of his time, and his life to Ace ever since he had killed his own father that he had very little idea how to be so informal with another person.

"Honestly, I have no idea what I want to say, nor do I have any idea what I should do."
He began slowly.

"Right now, I just feel awkward, and... uncertain."
He continued, he didn't even dislike the idea of another having feelings towards him, it was just unexpected to him.

"I need time to think everything over, Okena. This is not something I had ever expected to happen, so it's a strange experience. And until I manage to work through my thoughts and figure out exactly how I should handle... all of this, I'm going to be scarce for a while."
He said, taking a long pause.

"This... is not a rejection."
He concluded, ultimately. Picking up Findinokhind from where he had set it down, Baldur held Okena's gift to him underarm, and paused... for some odd reason, right now, it didn't feel right for him to just leave without giving her time to come to terms with what he had just said.

[Mali]

Okena hid her shock that he’d known since they had been to meet Morona. He’d known that long and hadn’t said anything? Was it that awkward for him that he would wait that long to try to bring it up. And he hadn’t brought it up, she had. This was bad and started to look worse for Okena’s chances with Baldur.

Okena nodded her head as he started to speak. He had no idea what to say or do. Was it that he had been taught how to act his entire life that improvising on something he hadn’t been taught was impossible for him? She couldn’t imagine a life where improvising was a challenge. That is to say, Baldur was able to improvise when it came to combat and teaching. He was even able to answer her spur-of-the-moment questions. It must just be social situations that he isn’t able to improvise at.

Watching Baldur pick up his sword and state that he would be scarce, made Okena feel rejected. She wanted to laugh bitterly. He said it wasn’t a rejection but it sure felt that way. But if he was reassuring her that it wasn’t a rejection, that meant that she might have a chance with him, right? She shouldn’t lose hope just yet, if this wasn’t a rejection and he just needed time to think things through, then she would give it to him. Okena was optimistic that he would come back with a decision that would make her truly happy.

“Okay, I shall await a message from you.” Okena stood with her stuff in hand before slinging her bag over her shoulder. She turned to leave before looking back at him from over her shoulder. “I’ll see you later then,” it was then that Okena smiled to him and headed her own way. Even though she knew that there was a chance that he would make a decision to try a relationship with her, there was also the chance that he wouldn’t come to that decision and she felt both happy and sad at the same time. Was it possible to cry such saddened tears of happiness?