Corrupt the Wish

[The Captain Sinn]

The name of the game says it all, I sincerely doubt anyone who has spent an hour on the internet forums is unfamiliar with the game, however, for those who are new to the internet and have never heard of this game before, I’ll explain.

The point is to corrupt the wish of the person above you. Then make your own wish. It’s as if by corrupting the other person’s wish you get to have the wish instead. Actually it doesn’t work like that, no wishes for you.

Example:
Person 1 says “I wish to be richer than Bill Gates.”
Person 2 says “Congratulations, you are now richer than Bill Gates, the homeless man down the street. You now have ten more dollars than he does, all in change!”

I’ll go first because there’s no one above me.

I wish I could write while asleep.

[kaioinazuma18]

congratulations, you can write while asleep, but it comes out illegible chicken-scratch.

I wish I had a job.

[pterodactyl]

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a job...at an orphanage full of snot-nosed brats who like to kick you in the shins with their government issue steel-toed boots. Joy.

I wish I could sleep on a book and absorb the information.

[Emma]

Granted, but absorbing it in this manner also tosses all your previous knowledge of ANYTHING out the window! 2 + 2 = elephant?

I wish for my muse to return to meee.

[phrostphyre]

Granted, however with such abounding muse, your coherency in writing disappears.

I wish I had a week off school. The ennui's killing me.

[Angmor]

Granted. The the week off is a result of your school being obliterated by a nuke, the fallout of which engulfs your town.

I repeat Emma's wish.

[pterodactyl]

Granted, but alas! your muse only allows you to write one-liners!

I wish I didn't have to do homework. :/

[bonbon56]

Granted. But the reason you don't have any homework is because the human population has obliterated all usable tree resources, leaving you with both no homework, aaaand extremely miniscule and soon to be used up amounts of oxygen to breath.

[bonbon56]

Sorry, forgot my wish:

I wish that I could go to mars...

[Angmor]

Granted! You are teleported to mars, right now!
...without a suit. Oh, don't worry, it's not quite hard vacuum up there...

I wish for a better computer.

[wilddog]

Granted! The computer comes to life and buggs you with questions about life, liberty, etc.

I wish...........that school would end tomorrow.

[pterodactyl]

Congratulations! School ends tomorrow...as a result of the very large meteor that just obliterated the planet.

I wish I had a vanilla ice cream cone.

[kaioinazuma18]

Congratulations, you have a vanilla ice cream cone, but its too hot and it melts the moment you get it.

I wish I had a set of Spartan armor from Halo: Reach.

[kayla]

Granted, but it came to life in the night and ran off to fight non-existent monsters.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside.

[phrostphyre]

DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT REFLECT MY VIEWS ON RELIGION, THE AFTERLIFE, OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN USING HELL AS A VERY HOT PLACE!

Congratulations, you now reside in Hell, the Underworld, the hottest place in this universe!

I wish I could wear blue jeans to school EVERY DAY!

[Angmor]

Granted! The school dress code has been changed to bell-bottomed jeans, tie-dye shirts, and headbands. Peace out, dude!

I wish for the ability to teleport.

[phrostphyre]

Granted, however it comes at the price of all humanity having ascended to a higher existence, due to a nuclear war between us and an alien species bent on conquest.

I wish I had a Scottish broadsword.

[pterodactyl]

Darn, your Scottish broadsword has a poisoned hilt. You're dead.

I wish the chatbox would work again.

[[-Kay-]]

Granted, but the c-box is hacked by AI and it constantly insults you.

I wish the new cadets would quit acting like total arses just because I'm the only female 'commander' here and because I decide whether or not they get to have freetime or if they have to run field drills. :/

[phrostphyre]

Granted. Now they really are arses.

I wish I could get the cute German foreign exchange girl's phone number. My older brother picks them up like a dead fat man does flies in summer. And yet I don't.